When my cat starts running around maniacally for no reason at 11:00 pm, I yell “Mouse infestation!” so that her behavior won’t look so psychotic.

Save the NY Alligators!

Pollution and encroachment are taking their toll on the alligators in the New York City sewers.  There are only 12 left!  Here’s how you can help: sign up for our alligator- sighting e-mail alerts. When, you get an alert, go the manhole nearest the location of the sighting and drop a freshly-killed chicken carcass under the manhole cover.  Thank you for preserving our urban ecosystem! See you later!

I think it’s safe to say by now

that Schrödinger’s cat is dead.

I tried conducting a “thought experiment” but conditions in the “lab” were too unsanitary.

Modern Nicknames for Old Hollywood Stars

J-Craw     Bet-D     JFont     LezHow     ViviL-E     GCoop

SpenTray     Ed-G Rob     J-Stew   K-Hep     Hump-Bo     Bar-Stan 

Rich-o-Barf-a-mess   GloSwan     C-Gabe     WarBax     J-Wayne

Edward Everett Ho

Also, His Wife Hated the Smell

When called to acknowledge that his perennial cigar was an obvious phallic symbol, Freud famously retorted, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”  But this doesn’t explain why he only smoked custom-designed “anatomically correct” cigars from “Friedrich, the Naughty Tobacconist.”

Great Misheard Book Titles

Civilization and its Discotheques

Olive or Twist

For Room the Belt Holes

The Great Gas Beep

Donkey Odie

This Car Lot Led Her

The Communist Man’s a Fatso

Type E

Atlas Hugged

House of Seven Cables